Flypaper, Magnet, Sandpaper

The Federal Bureau of Investigation
is looking for a volunteer city or town
to make attractive
to serial killers, mass murderers, and repeat rapists.

Once there
(and we, at the FBI, admit we aren't always perfect about catching criminals)
it'll be easier to catch them
and send them to prison.

We here,
here at the FBI,
expect to hear
from volunteers
from every community in America.

After all,
don't you want the FBI to catch criminals?

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No, seriously folks...

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The Generals and the White House say
"hearts and minds", "hearts and minds."
The Pundits and the White House say
to fight "them there" so we don't have to fight "them here."

And although
for years
Idiots have been saying both of these things
How come no one
noticed they are contradictory?

What sane Iraqi?  What Earthling?
Who would want to have their country used
as a global magnet,
as flypaper
for suicidal-homocidal characters?

How can you win,
a heart
or a mind
while inviting criminals
into the community
where they
and their families
and their extended families
live?