ALERT! ALERT!

     This has been a test.  This has only been a test.  If the terrorists were really on the verge of undermining the entire basis of western civilization, or even capturing Florida, you would already have heard about it.  In they manage to nuke DC (rather than attack with kitchen knives or homemade explosives), we can carry on.  The people there are very replacable, in the grand scheme of things, although it might take a week or two for things to get back to normal.

     In fact, we should be more on guard for those who would cancel elections and representative democracy (as aristocratic-republicanism is now known) in the face of such an attack far more than these imaginary, nuke-wielding attackers.  They are the allies of the terrorists, for in abandoning democracy, they abandon the principles that make this whole damn system worth participating in.

     Please return to your normal activities.  This has only been a test. 

     How's the weather?  Terrible president we're having.